Why it is that most of us are always unhappy with our life partner? Why do relationships fail? What are the sore points in a relationship? What can be done to save relationships? This article looks at some of the reasons for the failure and also on how to recover before the “point of no return”. The measures for solving problems with relationships are always small and minor but then it requires a great amount of discipline and sincerity to adopt them.
“The Honey moon period is illusory unless….”
The primary aim of each of the Partners, in the honey moon period is to win the love, trust, and attention of the other or in other words, to impress each other. So there is mostly harmony and agreement as the period is completely shrouded with false feelings and reactions. The end of the honey moon period usually brings out the real characters and harsh realities in the relationship, leading to disagreements and an unpleasant life. The honey moon period must include some sensible engagements, (in addition to sensual) like understanding each other’s aim in life, how can one support the other and so on.
“I expect this from you”
What happens when someone fails to meet the expectations of his or her partner? It leads to discontent in the relationship. How many of us honestly question ourselves if we fulfilled our partner’s expectations? Is it not a right of our partner to expect something from us? Is it not our duty to meet our Partner’s expectations? It is good to talk about this to our partner and figure out what exactly is the problem and more importantly we should constantly question ourselves if our expectations are fair. “Pure Love” and not “Expectations” must be a basis for building relationships.
“You listen to me first”
“The Ego is our greatest enemy” and it plays a crucial role in the way we connect ourselves with the external world. A Person with an “I-Know-everything” kind of attitude will find it tough to listen to any advice from anybody, leave alone his or her partner. It is more important to know what is being said rather than who said that. Healthy discussions leading to frank and fair exchange of opinions must form part of day to day life. An Egoistic person suffers from a partial deafness and it prevents him or her from accepting that which affects the ego. “It is your job” Working Indian women bear the brunt of handling pressure from both family and personal lives. One of my former women colleagues used to wake up early in the morning everyday to attend to all the domestic chores besides taking care of her. She would not get much help from her husband and would invariably end up coming late to office. It is imperative that both the partners participate and share responsibilities life’s daily domestic compulsions rather than ending up directing each other. In today’s world, no job at home can be earmarked for any gender, especially when both the partners are working.
“My goals are important”
It is important that the partners acknowledge and support each other’s goals in life. It is still a failure if only one of the partners succeeds in their goals. When Partners are in the same field of interest, it is quite easy to have supplementary goals. Sharing of motivational thoughts and quotes can be a small but significant step in helping each other. After all a person succeeds not because of his efforts alone but also because of the adjustments, sharing and caring of his partner. The moral support and motivation coming from a loved one carries multifold value and makes a lot of difference.
“I have a problem with you”
Unless we admit that we are part of the problem, we can never solve it amicably. This is truer when it comes to problems with relationships. If one of the partners feels that he or she has problems with the other then he or she should spend time to understand if the other partner person has any problem in turn. All problems can be solved by plain and frank talking. The couple must spend some time out together to thrash out any real and ‘seeming to be real’ issues. Likewise, feedback can be sought on a periodical basis until a thorough understanding emerges in a relationship. Most of the time, problems are initially small but they snowball in to a huge mess when not weeded out at an earlier stage.
“Complement and Compliment”
Life is an excellent journey for the couple who complement each other. We need to take our partner along with us in the journey by playing a complementary role in the relationship. Working couple can plan their days off in such a way that all the important personal work can be shared efficiently. Complimenting is a simple gesture but it goes way beyond in lifting the morale of a person. A gentle appreciation for the food prepared brings in more happiness in the family. It should be cultivated as a habit to appreciate and compliment one’s partner, ofcourse it must be from the heart and must be genuine as well.
“Accepting them as they are”
After committing in to a relationship, if a doubt arises in our minds whether we had made the right choice or not, we should drive away the doubt with more conviction in the Partner because for every beautiful or talented person (outside the relationship) that we come across there is yet another person who is even more beautiful or talented. It is good to focus on the person that we have chosen and avoid comparing with others. We should treat him or her as God’s gift and engage positively with him or her (As you sow so you reap).
Sreeram Jaganathan
sjsreeram@gmail.com
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